This time I'll be truthful

faithful.

I had a little time with myself underneath my block just now, I came home with even more thoughts which I thought I could clear them. I didn't want to tear but its just so hard sometimes. Its even more saddening that sometimes you don't know how to express your fucking feelings becos its just not you and your so called bestest friends just don't believe you. I feel so unhappy, I don't know what else can I do besides smiling like normal. I can only feel happy with my teammates, and they say I freaking lied.

Have you guys felt like shit and felt like disappearing into thin air just like that? I feel like a stupid fucking idiot that is being controlled by a mask which have entered my life. My parents, friends, siblings, they're just not really there for me anymore, you get it? Its like they just don't get how you feel. You have to be sacrificed, you have to sacrifice for the sake of you. They expect you to do everything, without a single fucking mistake. When you do it right they ignore but when you do it wrong all you get is? Fucking scoldings.

I don't feel happy these days. I feel inferior. I feel trapped. I feel stressed. I need people to scold me, I need to find out my reasons for being unhappy. I need to be alone or else I'll burst out crying and people will ask what happened. Some things you just can't tell others, you get me? Everyone just look at me with another point of view, I fucking don't like it but I know I can't do anything. I really feel like not contacting anyone I know. My parents are drifting so much from me, so are my brothers. I don't have any other wishes, I only want to be happy, like an idiot without senses.

Its not like I like to be emo, just that whenever I emo (I starts to think deeply) and people will fucking scold me, making me scared which leads to = don't dare to show my feelings even more. You guys always say you care, but you all just don't understand I can't say it. I like * but I can't. I have to stop. Probably when I stop, I'll come back. I'll not come online (not even for Cafe world). I really really need a break from you all.

To dearest teammates : Pls do not ask what happened, greatly appreciate it. Even if you ask, I will not say.

To readers : I'm sorry but I just need to rant. Will be going on MIA till I feel like coming back, seriously. Bye everyone + Cafe World.