Starting to get back

Last published post 20 May

Sorry blog I'm sorry to use you as a spare tyre. But I srsly have no other places to type/write/express how I feel..... He's always reading and he'll ask me. But I can't tell him, I can't be selfish to let him know and make him worry about me! He already have his own worries. Haiz, I don't want to feel emo either. I hope I am pms-ing. I really do becos I h8 this side of me. I h8 being uncertain and I h8 having the low-self-esteem feeling. I don't want to get in too deep, I know he still likes her. I know. But why am I still so obsessed?! MT Os are a fucking 3 days away and I'm here getting all upside down over him. I can't tell him how I feel, I can only change subject. I don't want things to change between us now, I know he doesn't like me but I just want to see him smile! At least right now, he's smiling. I can't bear to tell him how I feel and make him lose his smile; at the same time me losing a gr8 friend. Maybe I really misread his intention of just being friends -> more than friends. Wtf is wrong with me. I hope I'm pms-ing.

But why does my heart skip a beat when I see his name? I'm constantly looking at things that remind of him.. And my mind just keep replaying memories we have? I can't be selfish; I must let him have his freedom. All I'm afraid of is- him leaving me.

Maybe the only way to stop feeling this way: fuck my own life and get of of his.